Strangers

I just have gotten off the zoom phone with two potential counsellors whom one of which I would speak to on a regular basis during my intermission. Rather surprisingly, the one that was more thoughtful in her response to my original contact ended up being a bit more robotic and not as inviting or easy to talk to as the second one. I am already decided it will be the second one, but I will mull it over until next week and send the okay then, just to make sure.

It is always a strange experience talking to complete strangers, especially over the phone, about your deep issues with your relationship to work and your parents etc. I am getting better at it, and I found it quite easy both these times, but thats because I have had three previous counsellors. I remember with my first counsellor, I was quite nervous and I also remember being very grateful after for her help during a very hard time for me.

On a similar subject, four days into my intermission, I already feel overwhelmed with the possibilities and the pressure of the time I have left to 'fix' myself. I was listening to a podcast today on my walk with the dogs and it was the first episode of a modern author, whom I admire greatly, Cal Newport. My friend has messaged me about his podcast which Cal had started earlier in the year, and I gave the first episode a listen. Cal is very good and breaking down fulfilment and life work into very straightforward and reasonably deducted logical perspectives. Nevertheless, I was overwhelmed of his story of a Harvard Medical Student in the 60's who has written 5-10 books, and sold one of his books to a film studio for $3 million in today's money, all by the age of 27. That's less than 2 years away for me.

It's silly to compare yourself like this; I know the only comparison that matters is the one, to yourself, to the previous day or month or year. Yet, I can't help it. Something innate in me really wants to be the best right now, and yet it does not want to do the work to get there. Rather ironic, and therefore clearly irrational. I hope to explore this, and my attitude to work much more in depth with my new counsellor and in my time off.